This is an excerpt from my journal. During my darkest times I have poured these thoughts and feelings out of my heart and onto paper.
Hard to look up
Hard to physically put a smile on my face
Tears rolling down my face
Turning into sobbing from the pit of my stomach
Feels like the sobbing is coming from a place so deep I could vomit.
My brain - overwhelmed, confused, so many voices, so many opinions.
Round and round and round and round
Never gives me a break.
Exhaustion - I wake up only wanting to stay where it is warm and safe,
in my bed to never get up.
Only wanting to close my eyes again and fall into a deep sleep to escape the hell.
Feelings and thoughts of 'would it be easier if I wasn't here'...
I feel like such a burden
Everyone wants to fix me with a quick solution
Exercise, eat well, sleep more, sleep less, pray, meditate.
I have done everything I possibly can!!!!!! FRUSTRATION and sadness fill me.
Pills, doctors, gluten free, sleeping, meditation, psychotherapy, praying, energy healers, reiki, church, exercise, journaling, drawing.
I have done it all.
All I want is to be happy.
One day I will be happy.
I will never give up on my journey.